


Happy Kinda New Year

by Malum_Discordiae



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Break Up, CEO Eren Yeager, Doctor Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), F/F, F/M, M/M, New Years, Rich Eren Yeager, Seme Eren Yeager, Top Eren Yeager, Uke Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:27:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malum_Discordiae/pseuds/Malum_Discordiae
Summary: 27 year old Eren and Levi have been together for five years, though they seem to have hit a rut in their relationship. When Eren's job as a CEO starts interfering with his time with his partner, Levi grows to feel neglected. Levi is doing everything in his power to make it work, though it's as if Eren is oblivious to the problems they are facing until it is too late. Can Eren repair the damage he caused, or is it too extensive?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 30
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

“I'll be there in an hour” (9:58 pm)

“Alright, let me know when you're about to leave the office” (10:00 pm)

“Hey Babe, I'm leaving right now. I'll be there a bit later than that hour I promised” (10:45 pm)

“As long as you get here before 12 it's fine” (10:47 pm)

“Ymir’s place is only a 20-minute drive from my work, so I'll be there soon” (10:50 pm)

I read over our most recent conversation. It was now 11:45, and here I am at a party filled with intoxicated lovers making out, and the occasional desperate single looking to grind against any inebriated being with clouded judgment brought onto them by alcohol. Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of being beside my partner, I sat alone on the sofa staring at my phone while drifting into the deafening music. In such a haze that I had failed to notice five minutes had passed. The only stimulus that woke me from my trance was the alarming sound of every coherent person surrounding me screaming “10 MINUTES”. Once again, gazing at my phone and checking the clock on my home screen was a confirmation that they were right, the last two digits had changed from 45 to 50 in what seemed like a matter of seconds.

Swiping my finger across the picture of Eren and me on our fifth anniversary and typing in the passcode brought me back to my messaging app. Contemplating on what to say, I decided on the classic “where the fuck are you?” Just as my fingers were about to touch the keyboard, three dots appeared on my screen indicating that someone was typing. I had hoped that the message would confirm that he was outside and running towards the door as I eagerly waited. I should’ve known better than to be so optimistic as my heart sunk reading the message that appeared.

“I'm so sorry Babe. Something came up at work, can't make it. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Have fun at the party, see you at home.”

To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I've never felt this genuine anger towards Eren before. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. To go and stay at your office with your job that you give so much attention to, more attention than your boyfriend. I never even wanted to go to this party in the first place, I only came with the idea that we would finally have some time together.

For a split second I felt that I could be overreacting. Eren was the CEO of a major industrial Corporation, of course, he was busy, it'd be ignorant to believe otherwise. As much as I despised the needy parasitic type of partner, the kind that would complain when their significant other wasn't around them 24/7, I honestly don't believe that I'm asking for the world when I say I want to be around my boyfriend. I sympathized with the concept of a busy schedule. Currently being in my second year of surgical residency, I've had my fair share of midnights spent away from home. Though, I continuously make the effort to plan time for the important people in my life. Something Eren managed to do easily through the bulk of our relationship, however, that has changed recently. The past few months I've been able to get glimpses of him here and there, along with short phrases of “I love you” and “you look beautiful today”, but nothing more. No more endless conversations that would fluently flow from one idea to the next, as we could never stay on topic. No more intimacy that went above a peck on the lips in our rare moments together, or the feel of his soft lips against my forehead when he believed me to be asleep after a long day of work. I had given up on staying awake for him to come home. Every nighttime I drifted to sleep with the sound of our bedroom door creaking and rustling sheets; the familiar weight of the bed dipping to take shape of my lover's body, the warmth of an arm being draped across my stomach as he nestled his nose into my hair. An action that still makes my heart race even until now, only to wake up with a sinking feeling as I came to notice my bed was empty and the cursed pattern would repeat. The lone essence of him left behind was his scent that I had grown to crave over the years. It honestly felt as if I was living with the spirit at most times. A phenomenon whom which I have only experienced close encounters of the first and second nature. I saw flashes of Eren around the house, mostly when he was getting himself ready for work. I have evidence that he resides in our home, that much was evident with his belongings scattered around the place. Although, when it comes to a conscious connection, that was only a dream. A dream that I would gladly drift into to escape the nightmare that was my current situation.

Instead of texting out my scatter of emotions, despite how cathartic it would be, I refrained from exposing all my genuine anger that’s been building up. I responded with a simple “whatever”, closing my phone and heading towards the exit. While approaching the door, a warm hand was placed on my shoulder as I was flung around to face the source. My personal space was quickly invaded with a frame of glasses and brown untamed hair styled in a ponytail, Hange. “Levi! Where are you going?! It’s almost midnight! Hey, where’s Eren?!” She practically screamed in my ear. I didn't think she could become anymore irritating, it turns out just add alcohol to the mix and you have an answer.

I yanked my shoulder away and shot her daggers. “He's not coming and I'm going home,” I said, venom tainting my voice as I made my way towards the door, uncaring to turn back and view her expression. I know she didn't deserve that treatment, but I just couldn’t stand being around anyone right now. Walking to my car I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. It was most likely Eren, so I chose to ignore it. Instead, my attention was fully consumed by my thoughts. Thoughts of every plan I made that were stood up because “something came up”, that something always being work-related. That fucker even had to leave me on my birthday because of a work emergency, an empty promise of making it up to me left his lips as he walked out the door.

Finally reaching my vehicle and unlocking it, I almost fell into my seat as I felt my chest tightening. My breath was shallow, my eyes tearing up. It felt as if I was dying, every cell in my body was aching. After what felt like an eternity of excruciating and uncontrollable pain known as an anxiety attack, I started to calm as my breath evened out. My body shakes had dissipated along with the physical pain, though the emotional pain remained. No longer did I feel the unexplainable fear that engulfed my entire existence. I hadn't had an attack in over a year, this stress was taking a toll on me in every sense of the way. I stuck my key into the ignition and started the car, before driving away I decided to check on the oh so important message. The Clock read 12:02, it was officially a new year and I'm alone. Opening my phone, I saw I had two unread messages from Eren.

“Come on Lee don’t be like that” (11:56 pm) and “Happy New Year love” (12:00 am). Yeah, happy fucking new year to me. I shifted the gear and mindlessly drove home.

Arriving at the penthouse, I instinctively went to the kitchen and grabbed an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels, heading towards the bedroom in a state similar to autopilot. Sitting on the bed, I rid the bottle of the paper wrapped around the neck as well as the cap, throwing the remnants on the floor. Uncharacteristic of my nature to perform such an action, I didn't care about cleanliness now. The one desire on my mind was to sleep, and the liquor would help me and relaxing to be able to do so. Not even bothering to grab a cup while in the kitchen, I drink directly from the bottle. The liquid flame burned my throat as it went down but created a warm comfort as it reached my stomach. Similar to the reaction of when pain morphs into pleasure. That same pleasure I experienced as I allowed rest to completely take over.

My breath was ragged as I was encapsulated in bliss. There was a familiar pressure on top of my body that was moving at a repetitive rhythm. “I’m so sorry baby” a rasped voice spoke into my ear. It sounded exactly like Eren. “I promise I’ll do better,” he said once more. How did we even get into this position? I can't recall what led to this. My hands grazed his bare back, he responded with wet kisses trailing down my neck. Right now, I couldn’t care less about what has happened in the past, in this very moment all my focus was on the way our bodies danced off one another. The only pain I felt was whenever Eren would bite the junction that connects my neck and shoulder. Moans and fragmented sentences left my mouth as I felt myself tipping over the edge, and the way Eren’s thrusts became more frantic I could tell he was too. “Levi” he grunted in ecstasy “Levi… Levi…”

“LEVI” I was shaken, eyes shot open as a result of the abrupt shout and nonvoluntary moving of my body. My vision was compromised as I was still adjusting to the dimly lit room, though I was able to make out a silhouette sitting by my bedside. So, what I was previously experiencing was a dream? Of course, I mentally kicked myself for allowing myself to momentarily believe that it could’ve been a reality. The image became clear as I saw Eren, the light radiating from the lamp sat on the nightstand revealed a worried look on his face. “Levi, are you okay?” Voicing concern that could only be described as genuine.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, my tone was indicating the exact opposite. Looking over at the digital clock, it read 3:30. He must’ve just come home since he was dressed in his usual work attire consisting of a dress shirt, coat, and tie. It wasn’t unbelievable since it’s happened in the past.

“Lee, you’re not okay” he grabbed hold of my left hand and held it in both of his. “You never drink hard liquor, not unless something is bothering you. You're more of a fine wine type of guy. Since this once full bottle is now half empty”, he picked it up by the neck and gave the liquid a subtle shake, “I’d say that something is wrong”. He placed the bottle back on the nightstand and bent over on the floor, picking up the wrapper that I had thrown on the ground. “Also, taking into account that this was left on the floor. That's something that you would murder me for if I ever did.”

I grit my teeth, pissed that he was so concerned about my well-being now. “Oh, so you’re worried about me now. How sweet you are” I spouted; sarcasm lacing my words.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Damn right I’d be worried if something was bothering you.” He was visibly upset that I would make that implication. His eyes held a mix of emotions, the predominant one showcased seemed to be exhaustion. He looked completely worn down, I honestly felt guilty that I was adding to the stress that was already overcrowding his plate. After a few moments of silence his grip on my hand tighten, not to the point of causing pain, but just to get my attention. “Levi, what did you mean by that?” He asked once again, desperate for a response.

“Nothing just go to bed, you look like you’re about to pass out.” I pulled my hand from his grip and turned my back to him. I just wanted to sleep and was now regretting ever bringing this up.

“No, we’re talking about this. I don’t give a shit about how tired I am.” He started to raise his voice and I was in no mood for a full-blown argument. It was almost four in the goddamn morning. Most of the alcohol that was in my system had been metabolized, and I was feeling the effects of a hangover.

“No Eren, we’re not. We’ll discuss this in the morning when we both have the energy to.” I said, my back still turned to him as I pulled the duvet over me.

“Levi, I know you too well, and this is your way of avoiding a conversation in the future”, he replied almost smugly. That was the spark that lit the fuse, setting me off. I threw the covers off my body and instantly shot up, uncaring of my head spinning as a side effect of the liquor. Shooting a look that could kill towards my supposed all-knowing boyfriend.

“Oh, so you know me. You know me so well, don’t you Eren Jaeger? You know me so well but can’t seem to figure out the thing that is bothering me is you. You know me so well that the only time you can tell I’m upset is when I had to drink myself to sleep. You know me so well but couldn’t tell that I’ve been miserable in this relationship for months. I’m not happy with the way things are Eren, that’s what’s wrong.” It felt as if all the blood in my body rushed to my face, my cheeks were warm, and my heart was pounding hard enough that the beat was picked up by my ears. My uneven breath caused by my recent verbal attack started to stabilize as I walk toward the light switch, flipping it on and revealing the full extent of Eren’s expression. The sight broke my heart, his eyes glossed with unshed tears threatening to drop.

“What brought this feeling?” He asked, still in shock from what left my mouth.

“You’re never home”

“I work-”

“As do I” I interrupted. “I work too Eren, as a doctor. Not to mention I’m in my surgical residency, so most of my free time is spent in the hospital. I know what being busy is like, but I still make time for you.”

“I do make time for you Levi”, now that was just a blatant lie.

“Eren, I took care of a patient with fecal vomiting a few weeks ago. Even he didn't have as much shit coming from his mouth as you did just with that one sentence. The last full day we spent together was on your birthday, which was eight months ago. That was also the last time we had sex.” I sighed and continued to speak calmly. “Tonight, it was supposed to be us together, and I was let down again. God, just look over our text conversations and it’s full of you canceling dates because of work emergencies and promises to make up for it, which you never do. You even had to leave me on my birthday while we were on the couch watching movies. That was the one thing I wanted for Christmas and my birthday, for us to be together. Do you even know what happened after you left?”

“No” he answered, eyes fixated on the ground.

“I invited Furlan over because I didn't want to be alone on my birthday. I cried to him about what happened, which became a pattern every time I was let down. We got drunk and he kissed me-”

“You kissed him?!” His eye shot up from the floor as rage quickly consumed his previous expression.

“No”, I snapped back. “He kissed me, I pushed him away immediately. I screamed at him and asked what the hell he was thinking. He told me that he’s loved me ever since we were kids and that he wanted me to leave you for him. I told him that I would never, and to get out of the house. Furlan said I was a fool to stay with a man that constantly puts work above me, and that would leave me on my birthday. He also said he was done listening to me complain and not doing anything to change it.”

“Why wouldn't you tell me this as soon as it happened?” He crossed his arms, eyes growing cold. “This happened almost a week ago. The fact that it's coming out now makes me wonder if something else happened”, he accused.

“Are you being serious right now?!” This was a true test of my patience and let us just say that I wasn’t passing. “As I said before, you're never here. How would I even tell you? That's not something you send over text. If you came home that night then you would have known, but no, you spent that night at your office. Something you've done so much that you had a damn private room built that's basically a one-person apartment. I'm surprised you even came home tonight anyway, why didn't you stay there since it was so late?” My eye started to water, voice cracking as I spoke what I had been experiencing for months. “How dare you accuse me of cheating. I have not once thought that you would ever be deceitful towards me, even with all your supposedly late nights at the office and reluctance to spend time with me. I trust you, and I honestly thought that I would deserve the same amount of respect, but I guess that’s another one of my hard to reach expectations, huh? I've been nothing but faithful to you for five years, I even ended my childhood friendship with Furlan over this. He tried calling me the next day to apologize and said he was wrong for what he said while drunk. I didn’t want to hear it because anyone that would disrespect my boyfriend and I’s relationship like that needs to get the fuck out of my life. But you know what, he was right.” I sounded utterly defeated at this point.

“He was right about you leaving me for him?” Eren raised his eyebrows.

“No Eren, he was right about being with someone that doesn't value his boyfriend enough to make time for someone he’s meant to love.” That must have placed him back into the reality of the situation. If remorse was personified, it would bear resemblance to Eren’s face.

“Lee, I'm so sorry to accuse you like that. I know you would never cheat on me, I'm just being insecure because I was always jealous of the two of yours long friendship, and how close you were. And I'm sorry I made you feel abandoned for so long.” He walked to me, palm now encompassing my cheek. I looked up into his eyes, still not used to him being a whole foot taller than I was after all these years, though I secretly loved that about our relationship dynamic. “I promise things are going to change.”

I rested my hand over his and lowered it off my face, though I didn’t release my grip. “Eren, I love you so much. More than I've ever loved someone before. Though every fiber in my being is screaming at me not to do this, I need to listen to my head. And it's telling me that we need a break. You need to focus on your business, and I need to focus on my life.” I allowed his hand to slip out of mine.

“I can change Levi, I promise”, he started to panic.

“I needed that promise months ago, Eren. Instead, I got unfulfilled promises that my time wasted waiting hoping that we’d have a moment together would be compensated, and it never happened. Now I just need to figure things out.” I preceded towards the bedroom door.

“No Levi, I-”, I raised my hand, silencing him.

“Eren listen, I need to be away from you for a while. I'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going to pack up and stay at Mika’s for a bit. Please just get some rest, you're tired and I have a raging headache.” I left the room and didn’t look back, not wanting to see Eren in any more pain tonight, nor did I want him to see me in the same situation. Entering the guest room and locking the door behind me, I collapsed onto the bed closing my eyes, but I was unable to drift into slumber.

It was foolish to believe that Eren and I would get any rest after what occurred last night. I felt like a zombie packing two suitcases filled with essentials as he stood in the doorway looking worse than I did, if that was even conceivable. After finishing up and zipping the cases closed, Eren walked me to the front door and spoke. “Isn't there anything I can do to fix this? It doesn't have to be this way, Lee.” The whites of his eyes were stained crimson, tears once again making an appearance. These past few hours have been the most the two of us have ever seen one another cry. My vision impaired with droplets gathering in my own.

“I'm sorry”, his head immediately dropped down, he already knew the answer to that question without me having to state it. He grabbed the suitcases from my hand and loaded them into the trunk of my car. Even though we were officially broken up, he still treated me with enough kindness and compassion to help me. I thanked him and got into my car, rolling down the windows as he stood by the driver’s side.

“Goodbye Levi”, the pain on his face was evident.

“Goodbye Eren”, I weakly said as I felt a flame in me diminish. The same flame that ignited the day I met Eren Jaeger. I pulled out of the driveway and headed to my sister’s house, completely numb to everything around me. The music coming from the radio fading into faint whispers as I made my hour-long drive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren takes a trip down memory lane.

It's been five days. Five days since I've barely gotten up from the couch, only leaving its comforting presents to perform basic human necessities. I guess drinking falls under my list of “basic human necessities” as I was on my third shot of whiskey, and it currently being two in the afternoon. Staring at the blackened screen of the television placed in front of me had become my most common pastime. Though no images were displayed on the screen, that didn't stop my mind from creating them. A cinema-graphic record of my life is playing relentlessly and showed no sign of secession.

Memories of the two of us plagued my thoughts with such bittersweet emotion. Remembrance of past events where we shared both innocent and passionate moments were metaphorical salt in the wound. However, recalling our fight, him leaving, and all the times I've neglected him were the source of those open wounds. The neglect was evident the night Levi locked himself in the guest room and expected us to sleep after that conversation. Well, I didn't sleep that night. How could I? Instead, I did exactly what he suggested, I read over our previous text conversations. I read them and felt guilt-ridden and ill. Levi was right, text after text of empty promises and disappointment. Me canceling dates, declining proposals of plans, explanations of why I would come home late. I was far beyond disgusted with myself because here the love of my life was compromising so much, and I returned with an empty hand. I even left him on his damn birthday when he worked so hard to make mine amazing. Making him feel so insignificant that he would seek comfort in his childhood friend’s presence, only to have that trust taken advantage of. I couldn't fathom putting myself in that position and how he was feeling that day, and I dared to accuse him of cheating on me when he was the victim of not only a neglectful partner but also that of a trusted friend’s moment of predation. I left him, and all for what, work? Work that I haven't even bothered coming into these past few days, only shooting my assistant a text stating that I'm taking a two-week vacation and not to contact me unless an absolute emergency. The place is still up and running even without me. It's almost as if I don't need to be there 24/7. If only I had realized that sooner before I fucked things up with Levi permanently. Times like this made you wish life had a reset button, but that's nothing but pure fiction. The only thing soothing my pain was the numbing feeling of alcohol, but it was nothing but a temporary solution. A bandage placed upon a gash that required stitches. I poured myself a fourth shot and quickly drank it as I rested my head back on the couch cushion, closing my eyes and allowing myself to fall back into the pleasant memories of my past.

Walking down the halls of Sina high school, knowing it was the last day of my senior year was both refreshing and nostalgic. It felt like a new chapter in my life, but I felt this sense of longing knowing I'd be leaving such a significant part of my life behind. How could I not admire a place that introduced me to the important people in my life, and one person specifically comes to mind. I was knocked out of my thoughts with the feeling of my right arm suddenly in pain. Concluding that someone had just punched me, I turned to see who the person with a death wish was. Seeing their face, my anger quickly faded, my best friend of four years stood before me.

“What, are you going to hit me Star Quarterback?” Levi said, a smirk painted on his face making him look ridiculously cute. To be honest, everything Levi did was ridiculously cute to me, but that's to be expected when you've been in love with someone for the past four years.

“Should've known it was you. Only Levi Ackerman would be bold enough to punch the star quarterback, especially when he's packing all these muscles.” I jokingly flexed my biceps as Levi rolled his eyes.

“Oh please Mr. Muscles, please spare me the gagging material. You would think with all those muscles you're supposedly packing, that you’d have a fine ass boyfriend hanging onto them by now.”

“You wanna grab on so I can show you off? I know you want to, just admit you hit me because you have a huge crush on me.” I held out my arm in an interlocking fashion so that he could easily loop his arm with mine. The two of us would constantly tease each other in a flirtatious matter, but that was to be expected with two best friends who were both openly gay. Though I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that there was an ulterior motive of testing the waters and trying to gain an assessment of his feelings towards me.

“I'll pass hotshot. I wouldn't want to drive away any potential partners by them thinking the two of us are together. Besides I only hit you because I know you can take it. And I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you. You damn well know I would kick your ass in a fight any day of the week.” Levi shot back, his eyes holding a playfulness that I adored. He had this feistiness, this fire in him that I couldn't comprehend. A flame that no one else had, he was unique, and I was a hopeless moth that couldn't keep away from him.

“Hey, you got me there, but can you at least tell me the real reason why you hit me?”

“You looked sad and lost in your thoughts. I didn't like it, so I punched you, simple as that. Now care to tell me why you were looking like a kicked puppy?” He put his hands on his hips and stared me down with steel-grey eyes.

“I was thinking about how different life will be after today. College is where people tend to drift apart, and I'm worried that’ll happen with us.” I said looking down at the floor knowing that wasn't the full truth.

“Eren stop worrying about shit that’s never going to happen. We're going to be in the same college and even applied to be roommates. How are we even going to drift apart if we see each other every day?” The bell interrupted Levi, indicating that we had five minutes to be in our classes. “Listen, I got to go to class, but will hang at your place after school. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah” was all that left my mouth as he turned away and walked off. I wanted to bash my head in for again being too cowardly to admit to him what I was genuinely feeling. Levi, it's not that I'm scared of us drifting apart because of school. I'm terrified of the idea of someone stealing you away from me before I gather the courage to tell you how much I endlessly love you.

The rest of the day passed as a blur, Levi and I were now laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. “So, do you have anything in mind about what you wanna get from the college experience?” I glanced at him waiting for a response.

“Nothing comes to mind, besides getting my degree. Same question to you.” His gaze met mine, my heart rate increased as a response.

“I don't have my heart set on anything either.”

“Maybe you can look towards finally losing that pesky thing you call your virginity.” My face felt unbelievably hot as soon as he said that. His face once again wearing that signature smirk. “I'm only teasing you, nothing wrong with waiting for the right person. I wish I had because my first time was terrible. To be honest, most of my hookups have been pretty bad.”

“Is sex that disappointing?” I was surprised since everyone in school talked as if it was the best thing in the world.

“Sex can be great with some people and bad with others. I just had the misfortune of doing it with guys that were more into getting themselves off rather than it being a mutual understanding that we both try to please each other.” I'd never treat you like that Levi. I'd make sure you were fully satisfied before I even got off. “Your future partner won't have to worry about that. You seem like you're a top that’d do anything to please, that's a good quality to have in bed.”

“How did you know I was a top?” I asked, the heat never leaving my face.

“I'm too much of a bottom to not be able to sniff out some good top energy. Eren, even though you’re a virgin, dominance practically radiates off you. Didn't you notice the boys that would throw you sinful looks that would make even Lucifer blush?”

“No, I can't say that I did” I chuckled. 

“Well they did, and it was uncomfortable as hell to walk next to you whenever it happened. Anywho, you got a certain type in mind when you finally lose it?” You, I can't picture anyone but you.

“I have a certain someone in mind” I smiled.

“Well, Jaeger’s got his little heart set on someone special. I wish you luck in that pursuit, not that you need it. He'd be lucky to end up with someone like you.” Levi sent me an authentic smile, one that I rarely get to see, but when it does happen, I feel like I'm floating on air.

“Thanks, he's amazing even if he might not think so himself.”

“Ugh, enough with this sappy shit and let's watch a movie already.” Typical Levi, never one for being sentimental too long. It always made him uncomfortable, but I found it adorable and another reason to love him.

“Yeah, of course, we can do whatever you want. I don't want a repeat of you threatening to beat my ass like you did the first day of freshman year.” I reached over to grab the remote and switched on the TV.

“You were the idiot that knocked me down running down the halls like you had to take a huge shit.”

“And if I hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t have met, and your life would be without me.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him close.

“Sounds like a dream to me.”  
  
“Don't be like that, you know you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah” was all he let out as he snatched the remote from my hand and started flipping through channels. I could've sworn I saw the faintest blush of red staining his cheeks but dismissed it as overheating due to our blending of body temperatures. Levi didn't come off as the touchy-feely type of guy, but it was the complete opposite. We constantly cuddled through movies. His motive most likely relates to comfort. Mine was a bit more selfish, this might be the only time to hold him like this before he finds someone.

Time passed rapidly, almost as if reality was altered. One moment I'm entering my first ever college lecture, and now I'm enjoying my last semester. My previous fears of losing my best friend were proven paranoia as our friendship only grew stronger, especially with the two of us living in the same space. As our friendship grew, my love followed the same pattern, forever increasing. I hoped that my feelings were reciprocated, but this was unlikely. I would only ever be a friend in his eyes, and the thought of rejection and potentially ruining such an established friendship scared me the most, so I kept my mouth shut for all these years. I kept it shut through every single douche-bag that came into his life and didn't treat him as he deserved. Every worthless piece of garbage that cheated on him, hurt him with untrue words, and broke his heart. I was there to pick up the pieces and paste them together again. I was there for him through his failed relationships, as he was there for mine. Granted, I never went through true heartbreak with them. I always ended things before it went too far. It wasn't fair for them to be with someone that couldn't give themselves fully to their partner because the said person was utterly in love with another. My feelings never developed for my previous boyfriends and things never went further than a heavy make-out session. Secretly, I held out for my first time being with Levi, that mindset hasn't changed since high school.

“Eren, hurry up!” I heard Levi calling outside of my separate room door. “It's already 11:30, we’re going to miss the damn New Year's party by the time you get out.” Getting carried away in my thoughts, I completely forgot that we had a party to get to. I rushed to my closet, throwing on my favorite maroon dress shirt and a pair of black jeans. “If you're not out of there in the next three seconds I swear I'm leaving without you. Three, two-”

“One” I interrupted as I threw open the door. I was greeted with a somewhat agitated looking Levi standing in the middle of our living room. We decided our senior year to rent a two-bedroom apartment within walking distance of the campus, as we both had a stable income to afford to. He looked gorgeous as always but tonight was different. He was dripping in pure sex appeal with his tight V-neck black shirt, stonewashed light blue jeans, paired with black combat boots. Knowing that this look was meant for his recent boy-toy filled my mouth with a bitter sensation. I couldn't hold the venom in my voice when I asked, “shouldn't Dieter be here by now for all going together?”

“We broke it off earlier today,” he said, eyes trailed on the floor.

“Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to-” he raised his hand, signaling me to stop.

“It's okay, you didn't know. I was just a reason to make his ex-girlfriend jealous so they could get back together. I'm not sore about it, I wasn't that into him anyways.” My heart aches to know some people could stoop so low to use another person like that. Part of me was glad that they were over with since that asshole didn't appreciate being with Levi like he should, but the reasoning behind the breakup was awful.

“Well fuck him, he's not worth your time anyway. Let's go to the party and worry about our problems another time.” I grabbed his wrist and led him out of the apartment and to the student union on campus. The students had an annual tradition of sneaking onto campus and holding a New Year's party there when all the administration went home. Luckily with it being winter break, most of the staff was gone early.

Arriving at the gathering I felt the vibration of the deafening music throughout my entire body. “EREN, LEVI!” We were both somehow able to hear a scream over the blaring bass. Turning around we were faced with Connie’s idiotic grin, as well as the rest of our friend group from high school. Hanji jumped on Levi and wrapped her arms around him, while he looked annoyed. To be fair that was his default expression. After a while of catching up, they all went off in pairs of twos’ as midnight was approaching. Our entire friend group had romantic partners except for a freshly single Levi and I. Every year I've had a New Year’s kiss with either my current partner or just a random person I managed to pick up at the party. Levi always had a boyfriend around the time and would cringe at that thought of kissing a random person. With the clock currently counting down, 50 seconds remaining it was too late for me to find a willing participant as everyone seemed to be partnered up. I decided it was time for me to stop being pusillanimous and make a move. Giving myself an internal pep talk took up much more time than expected as everyone in the area started counting down from 10. Levi's eyes were fixated on something in the room that I couldn't locate, so I took the opportunity to put my arm around his waist and turned him towards me.

“Eren, what…” He stopped in the middle of the sentence. His expression read surprised but not indicating any repulsion of our current position. Our eyes locked together, faces inching towards one another as the chanting numbers reached three. Lips colliding with one second remaining as the room echoed with “happy new year”. The sheer intensity of the kiss was indescribable. Our lips danced together in perfect harmony until we were interrupted with the sound of someone clearing their throat.

We broke apart and turned to face the source of the sound, met with our once disbanded group currently reunited. They all had shit-eating grins plastered on their faces. Jean was the first to speak up. “Well, it took you too long enough to end up together. We were all starting to give up hope. Ain't that right babe?” He threw his arm around Marco and looked for a response.

“Honestly yes, you two clearly had a thing for one another since high school. I'm surprised it took this long.” Damn, and Marco was supposed to be the sweet one of the group.

“Hey, he's the one that friend-zoned me all these years.” I threw my hands up in my defense.

That got Mikasa’s attention as she retorted with “Levi told me that you friend-zoned him back in high school when I asked him why he didn’t just go for it.”

“I never friend-zoned him!”

“Yes you did”, Levi spoke this time.

“When the fuck was this?” I don't remember ever turning him down.

“Junior year during spring break, we were watching Tangled in your room. I tried climbing into your lap and you told me to stop and pushed me off.” His eyebrows arched, almost as if he was offended that I didn't remember.

I thought back to that moment and mentally kicked myself. “Oh shit”, I rested my face in my palms and took a deep breath to prevent myself from screaming. “I thought we were just doing our normal movie cuddling. I only told you to stop because you sitting in my lap turned me on so much that you would notice.” I spoke through my hands and removed them after I finished, only to see a very evident red tint on the apples of Levi’s cheeks.

“Oh, I took that as you not being interested. That's why I gave up and started dating other people.” His eyes avoided looking directly at me as if he didn't want to display any more emotions than what was already put out there. His inability to process embarrassment set my heart into overdrive, and I wanted to add to it.

“Are you kidding me?” I grabbed his face so that he had no choice but to look directly at me. “I've loved you since freshman year.”

“You love me?” I nod, answering his question nonverbally.

“I love you too Eren” I kissed him, and it was once again interrupted with an obnoxious “aw” from our friends that couldn't take a hint to leave and let us have our moment. We shot them all daggers while they laughed.

The two of us snuck away from the party when no one paid attention and went to our apartment. The moment we stepped through the threshold of the door we were all over one another. Entering my bedroom since it was the closest at the moment and neither of us wanted to wait another second. After that night, I could proudly say I was no longer a virgin. Despite it being my first time and my lack of experience, Levi said it was his best time. But now those memories are tarnished with the fact that we were no longer together.

I got off the couch, knees cracking from the tension built up from immobility. Walking to my dresser to pull out a new set of clothes to wear as I needed to shower. Even though he wasn't here, Levi would kill me if I let my hygiene go down the drain. I decided on a plain T-shirt in a pair of sweatpants at the bottom of my dresser. I pulled the clothing out and something came along with it, the item hit the floor. It was a small box, and I bent down to pick it up. Opening the box made the dam holding back my tears break.

It was an engagement ring I bought a few months back and was planning on proposing on our anniversary. Which was fucking New Year's Day. Of course, the New Year's Eve party meant so much to him since it was the same circumstance of when we got together. And it meant a lot to me too, but I was so engrossed in work that I put Levi so far on the back burner to the point of forgetting such an important occasion. I screwed up so royally that I completely forgot my plans to propose. I made Levi feel second priority consistently when he had always put me first. Even with a doctor's busy schedule he still made time, meanwhile, I was so blinded with my obsession of work that I couldn't bother to do the same. I caused our breakup on the exact mark of our six years together. I didn't think I could be any more disappointed with myself, but I stand corrected yet again.

I was beyond filled with rage directed towards myself. I threw the velvet box across the room; it hit and shattered the bedroom mirror. I didn't care about the seven years of bad luck associated with that action; I was already in hell. That bit of destruction wasn't enough. I went on a rampage throughout the whole house as my vision only allowed me to see pure white. Almost as if I was in a state of a blackout. It felt as if time went by in a flash as one moment, I was in my bedroom and now I'm lying on the floor of my living room, hands bleeding and everything in sight in shambles. Glass was everywhere, including embedded in my hands and feet, but I didn't care. Nothing compared to the mental pain I was currently experiencing. I lost the love of my life, my best friend because I made him feel so insignificant in my life. I will never forgive myself for that, and I don't expect him to either. It was over and there was no way to recover from this.

Levi, from the bottom of my heart I just want you to know, I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than expected with school, but with the current situation of being locked in the house, I managed to get this out. I hope you all are staying safe from the virus and doing your part to help others. Hopefully this chapter will help with the boredom of all you bottom Levi fans since I've seen a lack of bottom Levi fics recently. Comments and kudos are more than welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protective Mikasa makes an appearance.

Lying on the stone-cold tiled floor, a deafening silence looming over me as I let my mind drift into a state of nothingness. It felt as if my consciousness was detached from my body. I couldn’t sense what should be searing pain from my unintentional but self-inflicted injuries. I desired nothing more than to lie on the floor and bleed out, but even with my lack of medical training, I knew the wounds were too superficial for that to be a possibility.

Once again closing my eyes, I welcomed the darkness accompanied by a ringing in my ears caused by the absence of sound. I was able to enjoy the void of emptiness for a split second until a knocking came from outside my door. Thinking it was Levi, I instantly shot up, ran to the door and yanked it open, uncaring of the fact that I was adding more glass to my already lacerated feet. However, I wasn't greeted by Levi's angelic face. Instead, I saw a man of similar height to my own, sandy blonde hair and blue eyes.

“What the hell are you doing here Furlan?” My tone was murderous.

“Can I come in?” Really, that was his only response?

“You've got a lot of nerve asking that after what you did”, I spat back.

“I'm guessing leave I told you?”

“That you kissed him, guilted, and took advantage of him when he confided in you? Then yes, he told me.” He looked ashamed of himself, refusing to make direct eye contact.

“Look Eren, I’m not innocent in all of this, but neither are you. I came to talk to you about Levi, so will you just let me in?” I stared him down for a good minute, ultimately stepping aside to let him in.

“Fine”, I sighed.

“Thank you”, he took a few steps in but stopped at the end of the doorway. Clearly shocked by the condition of the house. He turned back around and faced me, eyes wide. “What the hell happened here?” He gazed to my hands and feet, noticing they were stained with red. “Jesus Christ Eren, where is your first aid kit?”

“Don't worry about it, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Not only would Levi kill me if I let you get an infection from those uncleaned wounds. I could also lose my medical license if I didn't help and your condition worsened. Now again, where is the kit?”

“In the bathroom, bottom cabinet farthest to the right,” I said reluctantly. He told me to sit on the couch as he retrieved the kit, pulling out tweezers and individually plucking each piece of glass, starting with my hands.

“So why are you here?”

“Levi is why I'm here. He seemed so distant at work, which isn't that unordinary, but his eyes held this kind of sadness that I was able to catch. He looked miserable, more than usual these past few days. I couldn't confront him about what happened since he made it clear I was out of his life. So, I called up Mikasa and asked her what was up. Fully expecting to get told to fuck off, she was surprised I didn't know what was going on, so she filled me in. I'm assuming Levi didn't tell her about what happened between us.” He looked up from his work and stared me down. “You asked me why I'm here. Well, I'm here to tell you how much of a fucking idiot you are.” Furlan went back to work, this time on my feet.

“You don't need to tell me I'm an idiot. I'm fully aware of that” I combated. “I made Levi feel so insignificant that he left me. I don't need you to remind me how much I’ve fucked up, I'm in a state of constant reminder.”

“I'm not talking about you neglecting him, though you are a moron for that. I'm talking about how you're acting right now. This disgusting pity party you've thrown for yourself. Sitting here doing nothing but drinking too damn early and tearing your place to shreds with your little temper tantrum.” He gestured to the smashed but still recognizable bottle of whiskey, as well as the rest of the tattered main room.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?!” I screamed at him, my blood now boiling from his aggression but truthful attacks. To be fair, my anger was more so directed towards myself because everything he said was undeniable. I didn't deserve Levi.

“Fight for him!” He countered, now just as fired up. “This is going to hurt.” He opened a bottle of rubbing alcohol and poured it directly on all my marks of open flesh. I winced for a second, but the pain quickly dissipated. “You fight for him, Eren”, he said once again but calmness taking over as he began to dress my wounds.

“How can I fight for someone who doesn't want me? It's over and I'm trying to accept that.”

“You seriously are the moron Levi says you are if you believe for a split second that he doesn't want you. Yes, you screwed up tremendously, but every day you do nothing to fix that mess only puts you further in a hole. You're only going to make Levi believe that you don't care enough to try and win him back. That you don't want him. Is that how you feel?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Of course not”, I retorted defensively.

“Then earn him back.”

“But-”

“But what?!” He cut me off. “This is why I can't stand you, you always run away from everything. I've known Levi for years, way before you came into the picture, and I've loved him for longer. I watched every day how you two fell for each other and I hated it. I hated how you took my best friend. How you made him fall for you. How every day I saw how hopelessly in love he was with you. How you refused to make a move because you were too scared and preferred to run away from your feelings. I hated how he loved you, and therefore, would never love me. So I never acted on it, not until the night I kissed him and confessed my feelings when you left on his birthday. The alcohol had its play in the situation, but that's no excuse, I know it was wrong. I'm sorry to you and Levi, but I'm also glad that it happened. Now it's clear to me that I need to move on because he would never love me, not in the way he loves you at least.” Furlan took a pause to sigh and continued. “But that's just it, he loves you and you're not fighting. If I were in your position nothing would stop me from getting him back. So I'm here to give you a wakeup call to do something before it's too late.” He finished wrapping my limbs and stood up, walking into my room and coming out with a pair of sneakers. “Put those on, I don't need you cutting up your feet anymore then you already have done, especially after I just bandaged them. You're honestly lucky you didn't need stitches.” He started heading towards the door when I spoke.

“Why are you telling me this when you clearly love him?”

“It's because I love him that I'm doing this. I want him to be happy, truly happy. I can't be ignorant and ignore the fact that you make him happy, more than I ever have. Even though I do hate you for how you treated Levi all this time, and for taking him away from me, I still care for you because you showed him what it means to be loved by your partner. You just need to remind him how it feels.” He smiled and turned to open the door.

“But I don't deserve him,” I said quietly, though Furlan still heard.

“You might not deserve him now but show him that you deserve a second chance to improve yourself, and one day you'll get to the point where you do.” With that, he left and closed the door behind him, leaving me once again alone with my thoughts.

I really felt for Furlan. Was what he did right? No of course not, but neither was what I did. He was a desperate man in love with his best friend and tired of seeing him not being treated with the respect he deserved, which sounded familiar. He wasn't a bad guy, and I'd like to believe I’m not one either. If that's the truth, then he was right and I need to fix this before it was unrepairable, which I hoped was not already the case. I picked up my phone and made calls to some familiar names. Awaiting their arrival, I decided to shower and clean myself up for what was to come.

Before entering the bathroom, I slipped on the shoes Furlan left for me and swept the floor free of glass. There was still a lot to be cleaned up, but at least I got rid of any potential hazards, and in a timely matter if I may say. Living with Levi, I've had years of experience cleaning at a microscopic level in a short time frame. Finally finishing, I entered the bathroom and proceeded to shave the stubble that accumulated on my face these past few days, entering the shower after I was done.

Now freshly shaven and clean, I dug through my closet looking for one specific outfit. Slipping on the same red shirt that brought a sense of nostalgia each time I saw it, along with a pair of black jeans. Though the shirt was a tight fit due to the muscles I've added on over the years, I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, it held too much significance. The pants were another story, I wouldn't even attempt to squeeze into those things. I somehow seem to have hit a second growth spurt after college, going from 5’10 to a whopping 6’3, now being a whole foot taller than Levi. Instead, I settled on a pair of my current black jeans as it gave the same effect with more comfort. I sat back down on my couch, getting up occasionally to answer the door as my house started to fill with guests. They were all curious and concerned as to why I so urgently gathered them here, but I refused to answer any questions until the whole group was present as I didn't feel like repeating myself multiple times. Finally, after an hour the last person arrived, and I was ready to begin. The friend group that I hadn't seen in what felt like ages due to my own incompetence was now standing before me. But this is the day where that all changes, not just with Levi, but with the rest of the vital people in my life.

“So, where's the shorty?” Jean was the first to speak up. His unknowingly ignorant question was like a punch to the gut.

“Shut up Jean,” Mikasa said, of course being the only one in the group aware of what was occurring in my relationship. She turned towards me and spoke. “You've got a lot of nerve calling us over here like this, Eren. Not just for what's happening between you and Levi, which is entirely your own fuck up, but for basically ditching all our hangouts for months. Now you suddenly need us, and we have to drop everything and come running. And why the hell is your house trashed like someone broke in?” She was clearly angry, and I didn't blame her. Mikasa was hurt not only for how I treated her brother but also for how I neglected her, along with the rest of our friends. The rest of the friend group was dead silent after her outburst, obviously uninformed of the much-needed context. Before I was able to speak, she continued. “I was actually thinking about coming here and ripping you a new one for the past couple of days. When you called me and said to come over, I took it as a sign for me to do exactly that. And-”

“Mikasa stop”, Armin interrupted her. “Can you please just let Eren explain why we're all here? Then you can go back to criticizing him for being MIA for all this time.”

“Fine” she grumbled crossing her arms. “Go ahead Eren, explain.”

My mouth felt dry for some reason, and my heart was racing. I knew it had to be anxiousness from having to explain the situation. I didn't want my friend's opinions of me to change when they learned how much I screwed up. Mikasa was a prime example of how some of them would act since Levi was so loved throughout the entire group. Though I knew their shift in perspective was inevitable, so I began.

“I'm just going to be upfront; Levi and I aren't together anymore.” A gasp escaped a few of their lips as they all went wide-eyed. “We aren't together anymore because as Mikasa said I screwed up. And she's completely right, this mess is entirely my fault.”

“What happened between the two of you?” Historia asked, worry consuming her tone.

“Yeah, you and Levi were end game.” Ymir continued off her wife’s point. The two had tied the knot almost three years ago. To think of it, most of the group was already married, except for Jean, Marco, Levi and I. Though Jean and Marco we're currently engaged, so only Levi and I were the ones dating, at least in the past we were.

“So that's why I wasn't able to reach Levi by calling all this time? Poor little darling must have himself locked up somewhere avoiding my calls.” Hanji said turning to her husband Moblit, who nodded in confirmation.

“I tried calling him too”, Erwin added on. “I just assumed the two of you were on vacation celebrating your anniversary. Armin agreed that was most likely the case.”

“Well, they're not.” Mikasa went off once again. “Instead, Levi has been at mine and Annie’s house, crying for the past five days while the two of us just watched in shock. We never would have guessed how awful the two of your relationship had become. I wouldn't have even called it a relationship at that point. You best believe that if I had known what was going on much earlier, I would have come over and dragged Levi out of that house by force. My brother didn't deserve the emotional hell that you put him through. Hearing the entire situation from his mouth and seeing how heartbroken he was, it honestly made me want to hurt you. I don't care that you are one of my best friends, my family comes first. I took the absence from you and said nothing about it because I understood that you were busy, but I won't allow Levi to do the same, especially when he's your partner. My God, he's currently sat miserably alone on the couch because Annie and I had to leave him to see what you wanted. I even had to lie to him about where we were going, do you know how hard that was? To lie to his face like that while he's so obviously hurting. I have no idea how you were able to go so long before realizing something was wrong. You really don't deserve him.”

“Mikasa”, Marco tries to calm her down before she could continue, this time I started before she did.

“Do you think I don't know that?! Do you think I’m not aware of how much I fucked up?! Do you think I'm that much of an idiot that I don't realize how I hurt him? Holy hell, I left him on his damn birthday! Only a piece of shit boyfriend would do that!” I took a breath, trying to calm down and stop shouting. “Look, I know I messed up Mikasa, you don't need to tell me. I messed up with Levi and I messed up with you guys. I never made time for anyone or anything but my work. Work was my life the past few months. It was an obsession that didn't allow me to see how I was affecting my loved ones, not until it was too late.”

“Well you obviously don't need us to tell you what you did was fucked. You clearly know that and berating you won't help. I will say that I'm surprised Levi was on the same end as us when struggling to get any time with you. To be honest, most of us gave up trying.” Jean said, disappointment written on his face. “But like I said before, you already know that. So what do you need from us?”

“I need your help in fixing this, I stated as Mikasa scoffed. “Mika, please hear me out. I know I've been a terrible friend to you all, and an even worse partner to your brother, but I do love him. I've loved him for twelve years. Even though you think I don't deserve a second chance, and I know that I don't, the decision is ultimately up to Levi. I just want to show him that I've realized what I've done, how much I've lost, and assure him that it would never happen again. Even if he decides not to give me that chance, then I'll still support it and him. If he does, then I'll spend the rest of our time together making up for it. That's a promise to both you and him that won't go unkept.”

“Well Mikasa, he seems pretty committed”, Marco stated.

“And it looks like he's properly learned his lesson,” Erwin added on as all eyes were on her.

“Alright” she surrendered with a slight smile. Most likely because she knew I was one for keeping my word.

“Yay, so what's the plan boss?” Both Sasha and Connie shouted in unison. Those two haven't changed since high school, and that brought a smile to my face. 

“Okay, first Mikasa I need you to text Levi that you're taking him out tonight and to be ready at 8. I don't care what excuses he throws at you, you convince him. Since his shift ended at 2:00 today, he'll have six hours of rest so he won't be too exhausted. Plus he's off tomorrow, so he can sleep in the next morning.” I knew Levi's schedule like the back of my hand. Mikasa pulled out her phone and started typing. “Now everything has to be set up by 9:15 since it's an hour and fifteen-minute drive from Mikasa’s house to the designated location. So that gives us exactly five hours from now to have everything in place.” I said, looking over at the clock. “While we're all preparing, I have to leave at exactly 6:45 to go and pick Levi up. I assume he'll be surprised that it's me showing up instead of Mikasa, so it'll take me a while to convince him to come with me, but I eventually will. This gives you guys at least five minutes of bonus time added onto the two hours and thirty minutes you have to get shit done without me. Any questions on the timing?” The room was silent, so I continued, giving each person a specific role to play in the plan.

Everyone drove to the area, I was able to rent it out completely with the promise of making a large donation. Luckily it was only a fifteen-minute drive from my house, therefore we were able to get there quickly so I could give a visual representation up how everything would work. After a brief explanation, everything was set in motion with some going out to gather supplies and other staying to clean and decorate with what was already present. I really owed my friends the world for doing all of this for me even after I treated them like garbage for so long. I guess this shows how far friendship truly goes, and how I needed to return the favor later.

Things were coming together nicely by the time 6:45 hit, and I was confident in them finishing without me. Getting into my car and taking off, I wondered how Levi would react when he saw me. I was praying for a positive reaction, but the chances of that were slim. To be honest, I hadn't thought this far ahead. I ran over speeches in my mind during the ride, but it all seemed too disingenuous. I decided to bring back that old spontaneity I was known for and speak entirely from my heart during the moment. Levi would appreciate passion more than a rehearsed monologue recounting how we got here.

Arriving in front of the house, I exited my car and smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles on my shirt. Walking up to the front door and knocking, I waited in anticipation for Levi to answer. No longer was I going to delude myself with the idea that I was happy with our relationship and that everything was all right these past months, of course it wasn't. Neither of us we're happy for so long, but only Levi was brave enough to point it out and do something about it, and now I was following suit. My vision was now clear of the distortion caused by rose-colored glasses, I was fully aware of the errors of my ways and planned to atone for them, regardless of if Levi would have me again or not.

The door creaked open, revealing a surprised looking yet beautiful man. My love was standing before me again, and I was at a complete loss for a split second as if the world stopped turning for a moment. “Eren? What are you doing here?” He questioned, though not in a way that held any malice. It was more of a tone of astonishment that I was even here.

“Levi, can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Eren finally got his shit together. In typical me fashion this chapter was late, so happy late birthday to Eren. Hope you all are doing well and staying safe. Maybe this chapter gives you some entertainment when we're all bored out of our minds, and hope you like it. Comments are always welcomed. Until next time


End file.
